I appreciate this isn’t baby or bump related, but my house renovations are currently taking over my life much like I imagine a baby does. Except it’s way more stressful and SO much more tiring.

Kidding.

Here’s 10 things to know about the changes to your new life as a DIY connoisseur, and what I wish people had warned about…

1. You will suddenly have no time for boxsets (please see my previous post to understand fully how hard this has been for me). In fact, you will be so behind on TV that everyone in your office will have nothing to talk to you about. Don’t they know that sanding wood is more thrilling than Broadchurch?! Duh.

2. You will not buy any new clothes for the entirety of the renovation. Not only do you not have new clothes, but your old clothes will be in boxes, covered in dust, or screwed in a ball underneath said dust. Suffice to say I look a little less Vogue and a little more ‘forget it, I’m going to the co-op in my paint splattered t-shirt and leggings’.

3. Not having any clothes is made slightly barebale by the fact that you no longer have any money to do anything fun either. Do you fancy coming out with us in London? London you say? Pfftt I could buy a whole tin of chalk paint for the price a Tanqueray and tonic, I don’t think so. But thanks.

4. You won’t want anyone to come around and visit until you have changed everything the previous owner did. And if you do, you’ll spend the entire time apologising for their décor choices. I don’t know why I feel so obliged to do this constantly- I just need everyone to know that the bright yellow walls were NOT our choice.

5. Weekends at home will be your new favourite thing. Sometimes I feel like I’m about 40 years older than my actual age. I miss my slippers a lot when I’m at work and my straighteners haven’t seen the light of day since I was 14, but we have found ourselves wanting to cancel crazy nights out to have dinner by the fire. I’ll be holidaying on Cruises’ before I know it.

6. You’ll become a book worm. Everyone is different, and I’m sure there are some of you who will happily paint in silence. I need a distraction from the fact that I’m well… Painting. Audiobooks have been my savior and I’m slowly but surely becoming the bookworm I always dreamed of being. I can join in conversations now saying ‘I’ve read that!’. Currently looking for a book club membership in the Milton Keynes area.

7. You’ll get sick of albums in 2.0 seconds. Oh Brilliant, some new music to listen to whilst we knock down walls and clean the filthy windows! And its Ed Sheeran too? Fantastic, this will keep up going. 10 hours later and I’m sick of it.

8. You’ll start to think that you’re capable of becoming Kelly Hoppen. It’s easy, I can paint with chalk paint, I can sand wood what more is there to it?! I’m totes going to start an Instagram/Write a Blog/ Write a book/Have a film made about my talent as an interior design and be knighted for my services. Until you go on Pintrest and realise your house is nothing but a teeny-weeny little speck in a world full of mansions. Back in your box.

9. You’ll become the greatest underestimate of time that ever lived. ‘Fab, just another coat of the grey and we’ll basically have the whole house finished by 10pm’. 1 week later and you’re still on the same coat wondering if you’ll have even finished it by your 60th birthday party and if you’ll ever get around to painting the yellow room.

10. You’ll struggle to talk about anything else with your partner. Seeing as we don’t have a life any more, or any holidays booked because we have given Annie Sloane our entire life savings. So, let’s talk about the house some more, and go over again what we’re going to do with every room. We are obsessed.